Funniest joke you've heard

Ok pretty simple some of us need a laugh occasionally so what's the funniest joke you've heard

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Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

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i couldn't stop laughing at this

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! xDDDD........................O.o i dun get it

*doesn't get it.*

the jokes pretty funny xD

Its an old one but...

Bill Gates, george W bush, Tony Blair, the pope and a little girl are on a plane flying at 20000 ft over France. Suddenly the engines fail and the plane is destined to crash. At that the pilots run out of the flight deck with parachutes on and jump out leaving their passengers to fend for themselves. They soon discover that there are 5 of then but only 4 parachutes. Tony Blair steps up and says, “I am the prime minister of the UK, and my people need me. If I die my country will be in turmoil. Everyone agrees and Tony puts on a parachute and jumps. Next Bill Gates jumps up “ I have given loads to the world of computing, without me the industry might collapse. The world needs me” They all agree and Bill puts on his parachute and jumps. Right Away george W bush steps up looking worried “I am the president of the United States, my people respect me and need me. Sometimes they thing I am stupid but im not really. I am very clever and need to live for my country!” They all agree and george gets ready and jumps from the plane. Now it is only the little girl and the pope left in the airplane. The pope turns to the little girl and says, “I have lived my life, and you still have yours to live. Please take the parachute and save yourself” at that the little girl laughs and says “don’t be silly, there are still two parachutes left. george bush just jumped out the plane with my school bag! “